First Rule of the Post-Ego Club: There Is No Post-Ego Club

In the United States, such gatherings must remain clandestine. The risks associated with revealing these activities are significant. We must recognize that numerous extreme religious zealots exist, armed and ready to target anyone who threatens their beliefs.

The post-ego concept directly contradicts the convictions of many American religious fundamentalists, making us potential targets. I personally have round-the-clock armed security; you may want to avoid attracting such attention to yourself.

But it’s not just religious fanatics we need to worry about; the fiercest adversaries of the post-ego movement are egoists. In fact, this country boasts a larger number of fervent egoists than religious extremists.

Many Americans perceive their lives as heroic tales where they play the leading role, while everyone else merely observes. When a group challenges this narrative, it can lead to a crisis of meaning for those individuals, who often seek someone to blame for their disillusionment.

This was precisely what led to the downfall of the Duluth post-ego club within months of its formation. Initial members, enthusiastic about the concept, began to share their experiences with family and friends. Some found the ideas unsettling, causing discord within relationships. A husband lost interest in the club, while his wife remained keen. There were discussions of divorce, and I even received legal threats from the parents of a young attendee.

I ultimately decided to abandon the club.

The Post-Ego Club Is No More

I communicated this decision to everyone involved. In fact, it became clear that the Post-Ego club never truly existed. I sent out an email, and everyone understood this irony. After all, a key requirement for membership in the post-ego club is possessing a keen sense of irony. Without it, engaging in post-ego practices is impossible.

For instance, in the Diamond Sutra, an ironic sacred text, one can find statements like, “What the Buddha calls a 'serene and beautiful Buddha field' is not actually a serene and beautiful Buddha field. That’s why it’s referred to as such.”

It’s possible the Post-Ego club still convenes in Duluth, and perhaps I occasionally attend. But then again, it might not be true.

This is how post-ego clubs across the U.S. must function: they should remain elusive, akin to phantoms, possibly non-existent altogether. Such discretion is essential for avoiding trouble. Stay under the radar—or don’t meet at all.

A Singular Post-Ego Club Member

If you reside in a remote area lacking like-minded individuals, don’t despair. Your club can still convene, albeit in a paradoxical manner. Schedule weekly meetings, but also declare that they do not occur.

To kick off the meeting, you might say:

“We are not gathering. This is not a post-ego club. Ego is the only reality. How could there be a post-ego club? That’s impossible.”

Make the Secret Sign

At this point, everyone can form the letter "P" with their hands to symbolize post-ego.

Say Your Prayers

With this hand signal raised, proceed through the following prayer:

“If only we could transcend our egos—oh, wouldn’t that be fantastic? Alas, it is not feasible. Our egos are like eagles with powerful talons, lifting us into the sky only to drop us back down, leaving us crushed. The cycle repeats endlessly. How can we ever escape this beast? It’s an impossible feat. Our egos are colossal and omnipotent, defeating us at every turn. Post-ego is a mere fantasy—a dream of transcending this wretched ego…”

Incorporating some profanity during the prayer can help maintain engagement. It’s important to convey that this gathering is not a religious service but rather a countercultural movement—perhaps a work of art.

Continuing the prayer, you might say:

“There exists a minute chance of liberation, a glimmer of hope. It may be possible—though probably not. Yet, we might collectively overcome ego during this post-ego gathering. It’s unlikely, but worth attempting. Do not expect anything. There’s a strong chance you’ll feel nothing during this ritual. Perhaps it will merely be another disappointment. However, there’s a possibility of success. Who knows? Only fate can tell, and we can never decipher it.”

Afterward, encourage attendees to introduce themselves using their imaginary names. Share your feelings of unreality and the struggles of existence, expressing hope that this experience leads to genuine transformation.

Conduct a Short Reading

Select a participant to read a passage from any timeless work—be it Shakespeare, Cervantes, Borges, Homer, or Virginia Woolf. This will lend an air of sophistication to the gathering, enticing the ego to relax, thus allowing for unexpected insights.

Then, Sing a Song

Singing together can help further pacify the ego and elevate the group’s energy. Choose a familiar song and enjoy the moment before transitioning to the next phase.

The Ritual

Next, everyone should sit next to one another, as it’s crucial to apply pressure to the lower spine. This positioning enhances the experience.

Join hands and follow the braingasm instructions, allowing the energy from the base of your spine to travel up to your brain. You’ve likely experienced this individually before—triggering that euphoric response. When done collectively, the sensation is amplified. As the pleasure builds, let out a collective sigh.

Engage in this shared experience for about twenty minutes, then take a breather. After an intense session, you might feel invigorated, and it’s time for some celebratory dancing.

Plan Acts of Kindness

Following such an exhilarating experience, it’s natural to want to spread joy. Consider organizing a charitable act, like distributing sandwiches to the homeless. Don’t allow the positive energy to dissipate without making an impact.

Announce the Conclusion

In the post-ego movement, we face mortality constantly—every moment brings the potential for loss. As a group, take a moment to acknowledge our shared fate, holding hands in silence.

Ultimately, we can host all the post-ego meetings we desire, but the undeniable truth remains: we are all facing challenges.

End with the Closing Paradox

Conclude the gathering with a paradox, a fitting farewell:

“Thank you all for not attending this meeting that didn’t occur, which could have been extraordinary had it actually happened. Alas, it was merely another illusion. Perhaps one day, we’ll reflect on this experience as one recalls a dream. Go forth in peace—nowhere and everywhere, now and never. Amen.”

Finally, ensure that your security team checks the parking lot for any potential threats. If it’s safe, disperse quickly, keeping all of this to yourselves. And remember: none of this ever happened. Good luck!