Chapter 1: Understanding the Pressure of External Validation

The pressure to be attractive can often feel overwhelming. In my teenage years, I sought validation from others, believing that their admiration would fill the void I felt within myself. The quest for acceptance led to a struggle with my self-image and a lack of self-acceptance.

It's common for teenagers to desire acknowledgment, beauty, and appreciation, right? However, by the time I reached my twenties, the pursuit of external validation became unappealing and even repulsive. I recall having numerous older male "friends" during my youth, but as I matured, they gradually vanished from my life. Despite my longing for male approval, I also grappled with resentment toward men.

Why did I need their validation to feel significant? It wasn’t solely their fault, nor was it entirely mine; I was simply frustrated. Deep down, I craved to feel desired and beautiful. Some men advised me to behave more "ladylike," while certain women, including my mother, encouraged me to adopt a "gentler" and "more feminine" demeanor to attract a partner. Now that I'm older, I realize that I have no desire to conform to the notion of being sexy.

Section 1.1: Redefining Personal Beauty

I want to look in the mirror and think, “Wow, you look fantastic!”—and I do. When it comes to my husband, I enjoy discovering new ways to feel appealing, but I don't feel the need to perform for him. I don’t dance provocatively, use a sultry voice, wear high heels during intimacy, or don "sexy" lingerie anymore. Due to my endometriosis, I’ve traded my fancy underwear for comfortable cotton options to avoid infections.

Acting in a "sexy" manner simply doesn't resonate with me. When I try to embody that concept, I often end up laughing at myself, unable to take the act seriously. Perhaps there's a part of me that desires to be sexy, but the term itself makes me uncomfortable. I've been pressured to conform to numerous strange ideals and behaviors, leading me to reject them all.

My husband thinks I'm attractive, and when I feel that way, I express it, which can lead to intimacy. Yet, there are no specific social cues that evoke a sense of sexiness in me, and I'm completely fine with that. I don't want to be compelled to behave in a certain way to feel appealing. While I admire women who embrace that role, it's simply not for me.

Subsection 1.1.1: The Many Facets of Being Sexy

Being sexy can manifest in countless ways beyond just wearing stilettos and red lipstick. It can involve mastering new languages, excelling in math, or expressing creativity through painting.

In the first video, I Don't Want To Be Sexy and Other 2019 New Years Resolutions, the speaker discusses personal resolutions that challenge societal expectations of attractiveness.

Section 1.2: Celebrating Unique Definitions of Attractiveness

Reading poetry, enjoying music, or being genuinely listened to can also embody sexiness. The essence of being sexy can vary widely; we don't have to conform to societal pressures that dictate how we should present ourselves.

Chapter 2: Embracing Authenticity

In the second video, 5 Tips to Stay Sexy as You Age and Become MORE ATTRACTIVE - It's Not What You Think, the speaker explores unconventional ways to embrace one's attractiveness throughout life.

Ultimately, we can simply be ourselves, and that authenticity can be incredibly sexy.