Chapter 1: Who's Actually in Charge?

When my wife and I decided to welcome our first daughter into the world, we often told others that our love for each other motivated this choice, believing it would enrich our lives. In truth, life in London had begun to feel monotonous: work, rain, and the occasional disappointing takeaway. Faced with the crossroads of our lives, we had several options: resign ourselves to a mundane existence, engage in reckless behavior, or start a family. While I briefly entertained the idea of a crime spree, my lack of risk tolerance and trust in my wife’s spending habits ultimately led us to the decision to have a child—it seemed the most sensible option.

Chapter 1.1: The Harsh Realities of Parenthood

However, no one truly prepares you for the immense challenges of parenting! The struggle to get a child to sleep, to drink, or to stop crying is often underestimated. The anxiety that accompanies a child’s peaceful slumber, raising fears of them not breathing, is something no one warns you about. The helplessness felt when you can’t comfort your crying child is often overlooked. Perhaps the childless simply cannot grasp these realities, as if they have a mental filter that transforms parenting warnings into naively optimistic thoughts. It’s as if parents are trying to share their experiences, but the childless are unwilling to see the truth.

I fondly recall the days of thinking I could parent better than others based solely on superficial judgments. Observing a crying toddler, I would think the parent was at fault, perhaps indulging their child too much. Deep down, I believed I wouldn’t face the same challenges: “Look at that parent,” I’d think, “if only they were more consistent, everything would be fine.”

Chapter 1.2: The Surprising Journey of Parenthood

Now, I chuckle at the pre-parent version of myself as I mindlessly hand my three-year-old a power tool because of her incessant requests. I think to myself, “Well, she did ask for it repeatedly; perhaps a little scar will teach her a lesson about safety.”

Reflecting on my parenting evolution is one of my favorite pastimes. With the arrival of our third daughter, I’m sure she’ll teach me even more about the complexities of parenting. The lessons from my two daughters have shown me that I am far from in control. Instead, they have demonstrated that they are the ones who truly guide our parenting journey.

Chapter 2: The Influence of Our Children

The irony of being a parent is that you often find yourself doing things you vowed never to do. In the early years, I frequently caught myself engaging in behaviors I once criticized. You might see me bribing my toddler with ice cream, becoming irrationally upset over trivial matters, or rocking my daughter to sleep despite promising my wife I would allow her to learn to self-soothe. Initially, I felt guilt about these actions, but over time, I learned to accept and rationalize them.

Every time I encountered this new side of myself, I recalled a phrase I once read: "People often think their parenting style shapes their child, but in reality, it is the child who shapes the parenting style."

Chapter 3: Adapting to Different Parenting Styles

It took me time to grasp this concept, especially since I observed various parenting techniques among friends and family. While some methods seemed effective, others did not resonate as well. I used to believe that each parent's approach was a matter of choice. When our first daughter was born, we had a vague idea of how we would raise her. By the time our second daughter came along, we realized how naive we were. She was entirely different, requiring us to adapt our parenting approach significantly.

To continue exploring these themes, please read the following article: "Who's in Control? #2."

This video, "You're In Control – ICF Worship," delves into the theme of personal empowerment and understanding one’s role in various aspects of life, including parenting.

In "Notice - Are You In Control [Official Music Video]," we reflect on the balance of control and surrender in our lives, resonating deeply with the journey of parenthood.

For further insights, consider subscribing or checking out another article I enjoyed writing:

"What Type of Parent Are You?"

As a headmaster, I navigate the diverse dynamics of parental involvement, offering insights for different types of parents.