Chapter 1: The Struggle to Break Free

After being trapped in my thoughts for days without making any progress, I find myself questioning whether Adderall might be a solution. Yet, deep down, I suspect it won’t be the answer.

My current dilemma revolves around my girlfriend. I’ve come to realize that many of my issues seem to arise whenever a woman is part of the equation. She often expects us to be busy every weekend and is unaccustomed to hearing the word "no."

On a positive note, I’ve been consistently hitting the gym late at night to avoid crowds and traffic. However, my levels of impatience and frustration have surged, leaving me with little tolerance for noise and people in general. I hope this is merely a phase and not indicative of a deeper issue.

I took a nap around midnight after indulging in a late-night pizza binge, enjoying just four slices—pretty decent, considering how good it was. Upon waking at 4 AM, I geared up for a workout. I had a productive session focusing on cardio, shoulders, and abs, and I’m determined to keep this routine going.

Reflecting on my communication skills, I realize I struggle to be honest in relationship discussions. Perhaps it’s best for me to keep my thoughts to myself. I often look at my friend Big R and wonder if I want to emulate his bold and straightforward approach. Though it seems effective, I ultimately decide against it. While I can adopt some of his positive traits, I prefer to avoid the negative ones that often accompany his personality.

Can I truly be honest with a partner? If I desire to be, I must first be certain, but uncertainty has been a constant in my life, especially regarding relationships. Aside from financial stability, very little feels secure, and even that has been inconsistent due to my tendency to get distracted and overwhelmed.

She suggested going on a cruise next weekend, and I hesitated. I’m not particularly fond of boats, and I find myself needing space, preferring to see her only a couple of times a month instead of her ideal of every weekend. While it may make me seem unkind, I simply can’t handle the idea of a constant whirlwind of activities.

We’re currently not communicating much, and I’m unsure of where things are headed. I know I need to stay strong and work through my mental challenges, acknowledging that it’s all part of the process. If I’m not feeling something, it’s okay to admit it. I can list reasons for either going on the cruise or opting out, but my instinct leans toward avoiding the potential chaos and confinement of being on a boat for several nights.

She lives two hours away, which isn’t too far, yet I dread putting extra mileage on my car. Am I wrong for feeling this way? It’s a debatable topic. I often joke about being "Joo-ish," which always makes me chuckle. However, these feelings create tension that I can’t ignore.

The long-distance aspect of our relationship provides me with the breathing room I need to focus. I find it challenging to be productive when she’s around, so I had to set firm boundaries. I can be flexible, but I refuse to compromise my needs completely. If that makes me in the wrong, then I suppose solitude is my fate.

Chapter 2: Refocusing on Personal Goals

The first video titled "How to Use Music to Boost Motivation, Mood & Improve Learning" discusses how music can enhance productivity and learning, offering insights into optimizing your focus and motivation.

The second video, "David Wilcox - Live from The Ark," showcases a live performance that highlights the power of music in evoking emotions and connecting with audiences.

While I can’t afford to be sidetracked, I’ve laid out a to-do list for today and the upcoming days—no excuses allowed. I remind myself of how much others achieve in a day compared to my own progress.

The UFC fights look exciting this weekend, and I keep telling myself to save my gaming for after I’ve built my finances. It’s a tempting distraction, but I need to remain focused.

I’m also diving deeper into cryptocurrency research, with CELO and STX as my main interests. There’s so much to learn about trading bots, and I’ve been working on merchandise designs to get that venture off the ground.

Since trading in my old consoles, I’ve been enjoying my PS5, mainly playing Overwatch and Helldivers. I’m hoping to tire myself out on gaming so that I can return to my work with renewed focus.

Time is a powerful force—how will you choose to spend yours?