Chapter 1: Reflections on Relationships

While enjoying a salad at a local eatery, I found myself seated at the outdoor bar on a lovely day. Next to me was a delightful couple, and we struck up a conversation about our shared Irish heritage. Their evident happiness warmed my heart, reminding me of the beauty of successful relationships.

It's important to clarify that I am not against divorce. In fact, I advocate for personal happiness. Remaining in a toxic or unfulfilling relationship is detrimental not only to oneself but to the entire family. Yet, not every relationship is black and white; some can be genuinely fulfilling, albeit imperfect.

During our chat, the wife and I discovered connections that surprised us. Her mother attended my college, while her father studied at the same university as my ex-husband. Such coincidences might seem trivial, but meeting someone from my alma mater in an area so far from home felt significant.

“Do you ever miss your ex-husband?” she asked, prompting a moment of reflection.

“No,” I replied.

“Really?” she seemed taken aback.

“I lost all remaining affection for him,” I explained. “When he chose to hurt our children just to hurt me during our divorce, it shattered any feelings I had left.”

“I understand,” she said, empathizing with my sentiment.

Her question resonated deeply, as it's a common concern among those who have experienced divorce. It's challenging to completely sever ties with someone with whom you’ve shared a life for many years. Sometimes, there's an invisible connection that lingers.

This was precisely why I struggled to leave my marriage. I clung to the hope that we could revive what was once good, even as I faced profound unhappiness. I genuinely loved my husband, and despite our separation, those feelings lingered—until he inflicted pain on our children in the process of our divorce.

In essence, relationships end for legitimate reasons. They become unworkable and flawed. Yet, we tend to romanticize the past, holding onto the fond memories while grappling with feelings of anger and disappointment. Often, it's not the individual we miss after a separation, but the emotions and experiences we associate with them.

This idea may come as a surprise, but I believe we often mourn the feelings rather than the person. We struggle with unresolved conflicts, unfulfilled commitments, and the scars left by betrayal. The pain of heartbreak can linger, leading some to long for their former partners long after a divorce has occurred.

Divorce can resemble an emotional battlefield, a continuation of conflicts that began during the marriage. It often becomes a means of inflicting pain on a spouse due to past grievances—betrayals, lies, and disappointments. In these situations, individuals may resort to using children or finances as tools of retribution, revealing a profound lack of true affection.

This behavior doesn't stem from genuine love or missing an ex-partner. Rather, it reflects the tumultuous emotions tied to the end of the relationship. The relationship ended for valid reasons; longing for someone who caused pain is often a misrepresentation of true feelings.

While some may find this perspective controversial, my experience in counseling and studying relationships has solidified my belief: those who yearn for their partners are often idealizing what once was, while those who retaliate are consumed by unresolved anger.

Ultimately, divorce can create the illusion of missing someone we once loved, but in reality, we mourn the past and the memories, not the individuals themselves.

Chapter 2: Understanding Emotional Pain

The first video titled "My ex-husband left me for another woman but wanted to come back to me after she was diagnosed..." dives into the complexities of moving on after betrayal and the emotional turmoil that follows. It explores the struggles faced by individuals who find themselves in similar situations, shedding light on the challenges of forgiveness and healing.

The second video, "This is Why Your Ex Wife is So Mean (And How to Deal with It)," addresses the emotional battles that can arise post-divorce. It provides insights into understanding the behavior of an ex-partner and offers strategies for coping and moving forward in a healthier manner.