TALES FROM THE MIDDLE SEAT

Is there an unwritten rule in writing that prohibits directly addressing your audience? Today, I find myself lacking the motivation to write, so I’ll interrupt your day for a moment—please excuse my abruptness.

This morning, I attended a yoga class, and when my instructor Vicky inquired about my feelings, I replied, "I think I'm doing better. Yesterday was just a dull day." Our yoga sessions often feel more like therapy sessions than actual workouts. Vicky has encouraged me to stretch my body, but all it leads to is a series of complaints to my wife, my Uber driver, and then later to Vicky about how my stiff muscles ache and that I’d prefer to skip any further attempts at flexibility.

Instead, we delved into the topic. "What made yesterday feel dull, Sanjay?" Vicky asked. As I began to unpack my feelings, I realized it was actually a rather fulfilling day. I caught up on numerous emails I'd neglected while enjoying a four-day party in Miami. I had a delightful two-hour lunch with an old friend, took a refreshing nap, and celebrated my son's hockey team victory while engaging in pleasant conversations with fellow parents at the rink.

So why did I perceive it as a dull day? It felt that way because I was fatigued, coffee wasn’t doing the trick, and I was struggling to write. Wait. What?

I had spent an hour trying to finish an article I began the previous week, intending to express some strong sentiments. Yet, in that moment, I found myself lacking the desire to convey those feelings. I simply wasn’t in the right frame of mind to tackle that topic.

We rarely act out of obligation; we engage in activities based on our feelings. What I genuinely felt like writing about was my experience returning from Miami, wedged in the middle seat of a budget airline, delayed without explanation. I had offered my iPad to my wife for a movie, but I couldn't get the inflight internet to work on my phone to pass the time with Medium articles. I was bored and squished, battling for elbow room while dozing off and drooling on myself.

That's the narrative I wanted to explore, yet it didn't cross my mind, leading to a blank page and no reflections on my earlier sentiments. Ironically, I had wanted to express my frustrations towards the flight staff, fellow passengers, and those who suggest bending in ways I simply cannot due to a condition I humorously call 'I'd rather just lie here and wheeze while discussing my feelings'.

Notably, I had recently penned a well-received article about my son's hockey team, which garnered positive feedback. However, in my current mindset, I doubted my ability to produce anything of similar quality, resulting in a complete reluctance to write.

I’m just having an off day. My four-day Miami trip filled with fun and socializing means I shouldn't complain, but I appreciate the kind thoughts. If you find yourself in a similar situation, it's important to take a step back and embrace the thoughts I’m sending your way: "slow down, relax, this feeling is temporary, and try not to burden others with your mood."

I’m still handling essential tasks—replying to emails so others can proceed with their work, driving my kids to school and sports, and meeting friends and colleagues for lunches, as my current goal is 'Fostering Better Relationships'.

I’m avoiding writing in my journal, neglecting my Medium articles and newsletter, and even disregarding the clutter on my desk and the mail piling up. I should probably get a case for my iPhone, which I keep dropping, and that finally cracked its back glass, but that hasn’t happened yet either.

Next weekend, I’ll be back in Miami, this time on a proper airline where tequila with soda and lime is on the menu, and I can have both armrests to myself in business class. Perhaps this temporary low is just a counterpoint to the highs I’ve been experiencing. After all, highs only feel significant because of the lows. That realization brings a bit of comfort. I can accept that my writing motivation ebbs and flows with the peaks and valleys of life.

I apologize for not producing more content. I promise to share something soon.

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