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Finding Balance in Relationships: The Cost of People Pleasing

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Chapter 1: The Illusion of Perfection

In our interactions with others, it's common to struggle with perceived imperfections in them, leading us to exert considerable effort in attempting to change those traits we view as flaws. This often results in a relentless quest for what we believe would create the ideal partner.

It's essential to be cautious about the desire to alter others, as well as to be wary of those who arrive with demands for changes that they believe will make you a better individual. However, this doesn't imply that we should cling stubbornly to our undesirable habits, proclaiming, "This is who I am, and I won't change; if you want me, you must accept me as I am." Quite the opposite is true. Change is essential and beneficial throughout life, but in a healthy relationship, any transformations—whether in ourselves or in our partners—should emerge organically and serve our personal growth, not be imposed by others.

Changing oneself solely to please another is detrimental and ultimately unsustainable for genuine happiness. Equally problematic is the expectation that others will conform to our idealized vision of them. Forcing changes upon oneself or others is a sign of unhealthy adaptation, while expecting someone else to change reflects a lack of respect for their autonomy.

Everyone has a clear understanding of what is best for them, even if it comes from a place of good intentions. Acknowledging this allows you to prioritize your own well-being. By doing so, you'll naturally attract individuals who resonate with you and distance yourself from those who require you to alter yourself or vice versa. Such situations often feel contrived and lack authenticity.

Section 1.1: Reflecting on Your Relationship

If you find yourself in a relationship where the other person believes you could change just a little to achieve perfection, or if you feel this way about them, muster the courage to examine the reality of the situation. Ask yourself whether the relationship, as it currently stands, aligns with your desires.

Consider whether you genuinely believe there are aspects of yourself that require alteration or if you feel comfortable as you are. Reflect on whether you're willing to change to meet someone else's expectations.

Moreover, ponder if you can accept the other person without requiring them to transform into your ideal partner.

Be honest in your reflections and act in accordance with your true feelings!

Contemplating Relationships

Chapter 2: Embracing Self-Acceptance

This video by Mel Robbins discusses the journey of prioritizing your own needs over the demands of others, encouraging viewers to adopt a mindset of self-acceptance.

In this video, the harsh realities of people-pleasing are explored, shedding light on the importance of establishing personal boundaries and embracing one's true self.

© 2024 Lost in My Soul

Thank you for engaging with my article! Subscribe to my email list for exclusive insights from my journey to yours. If you wish to support my work, consider purchasing my book, Lost in My Soul, or subscribe to my YouTube channel. Images created for Lost in My Soul by Filipa Kinomoto using Midjourney.

Light and Love from my Soul to Yours! 💖

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