Chapter 1: Understanding Extroversion

Stereotypes about extroverts abound, but it's crucial to dispel these myths. Not every extrovert is drawn to loud music, social drinking, or endless small talk. Similarly, not all introverts are bookworms or prefer solitude.

Take my mother, for instance—she identifies as an introvert, yet she thrives on social interaction and dislikes reading. Despite her introverted label, she behaves like a social butterfly, often feeling overwhelmed by the rapid-fire conversations typical among her extroverted friends.

Extroverts tend to verbalize their thoughts in real-time rather than waiting until they've fully formed their ideas. Personally, I often find myself speaking before my thoughts are completely organized; miraculously, these fragmented ideas develop into coherent arguments by the time I finish.

Extroverts Who Defy Expectations

On the flip side, some extroverts are avid readers who value their alone time. My father fits this mold, being a more passionate reader than I am. He prefers solitary moments to focus on his projects or enjoy a good book, yet he still identifies as an extrovert according to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI).

The MBTI is a widely-used personality assessment that evaluates four dimensions, including the extroversion-introversion spectrum. This article will primarily focus on that particular scale.

I, too, break the mold of the typical extrovert. My love for writing and reading is strong. I respect others’ need for personal space, just as I appreciate my own time to concentrate or simply unwind.

Despite my extroverted nature, I feel drained when I spend too long without social interaction. I find it relatively easy to engage with others, even strangers. While I do experience shyness and awkward moments, I generally feel comfortable initiating conversations, whether in person or online.

Extroversion in a Society Favoring Introversion

In my social circles, introversion is often regarded more favorably. Many extroverts choose to downplay their outgoing nature, as they fear being perceived as loud or foolish. Interestingly, several of my extroverted friends reveal that they are, in fact, introverts at heart, requiring solitude to recharge despite enjoying social gatherings.

An extrovert might feel fatigued after spending too much time alone, yet we can still have a passion for solitary hobbies like reading and writing. Personally, I often feel more lethargic when immersed in these activities, particularly during low-energy times of day.

I once shared with an introverted friend that my enthusiasm for writing sometimes leaves me feeling tired. To my surprise, she mentioned that writing invigorates her instead!

However, this does not diminish my commitment to writing or reading. In fact, I believe my ability to persist in these pursuits, despite the fatigue, showcases my dedication.

Are You Really an Extrovert?

The common definition of extroversion suggests that extroverts draw energy from socializing, while introverts recharge in solitude. It's vital to recognize that these traits exist on a continuum rather than as strict categories.

Some individuals identify as "ambiverts," lying somewhere in between extroversion and introversion. Devon Price argues that many of us exhibit traits of both, desiring quiet time as well as social interaction.

He observed that labeling oneself as an extrovert or introvert can inadvertently restrict one’s experiences and lead to neglecting unfulfilled needs. Price himself identified as an introvert until he realized during the pandemic how much he craved social connection, ultimately feeling depressed in isolation.

Similarly, I've identified as an extrovert but have come to understand that I, too, occasionally seek solitude, both offline and online.

Determining Your Position on the Spectrum

Consider a scale from 0 to 10, where 0 represents the most extreme introvert and 10 represents the most extreme extrovert. An ambivert would fall around the midpoint (5).

However, where do we draw the line between an ambivert and an extrovert or introvert? I personally see myself closer to a 7 or 8—what I’d categorize as a "moderate extrovert," though some might place me in the ambivert category.

Ultimately, what matters is that I generally feel revitalized by social encounters and fatigued by prolonged solitude, regardless of my enjoyment of solitary activities like reading and writing.

This narrative draws inspiration from Mona Lazar’s article, “Dear Extroverts, It’s Not Your Job to Fix Introverts. We’re Good, Thank You.” Mona is a life and relationship coach and an introvert.

If you found this discussion intriguing, feel free to explore my other writings on psychology, relationships, and personal growth:

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