Chapter 1: Understanding Mental Spirals

Mental spirals can often signal the moments when we need to intervene. Yet, there are times when our thoughts spiral out of control, leading to overwhelming feelings.

This week was a prime example for me. I found myself waiting outside a dressing room for hours while my teenage daughter tried on various dresses for a school dance. Suddenly, I was venting to a close friend about my feelings of disempowerment, frustrations with the school system, and my sense of alienation. It left me pondering the very purpose of my existence.

How did I transition from a mundane shopping trip to such a low point? It all started with a trigger. Aside from the usual fatigue from standing, the outing was successful. However, the next morning, just before dawn, I was jolted awake by my daughter’s concerns regarding her dress choice.

Her worry stemmed from a friend’s preference for a different dress, causing her to doubt her own decision. We discussed how it's perfectly fine to appreciate others' styles while also trusting one's own taste. That conversation quickly settled her, and she went back to sleep.

We also explored why so much importance was placed on the outfit for this dance. Traditionally, this event has been a Renaissance-themed ball where students perform a Shakespearean play, afterward donning their costumes for some period dancing. This year, however, they were doing a retro version, prompting a different dress code that encouraged kids to wear their "best clothes."

This situation posed a challenge since it came just weeks before their graduation party, which had already been a topic of many discussions for my fashion-conscious daughter. The idea of a Renaissance ball hadn't even crossed her mind.

This marked the beginning of my downward spiral. Exhausted and overwhelmed by the day's demands, I began to question why I had to navigate two school dances in such a short time frame. This led me to reflect on past experiences where the school’s decisions felt arbitrary and burdensome.

The combination of fatigue and past triggers prevented me from returning to sleep, and just as I was about to drift off, my other child woke up, starting the day.

My friend noticed my unusual demeanor and prompted me to share my feelings from the night before. This led me down a memory lane filled with previous attempts to spark change within the school system—efforts that were often met with resistance from other parents.

This sense of helplessness spiraled further, leaving me questioning the purpose of life itself. Thankfully, I recognized this as a fleeting moment of feeling overlooked and powerless. Years of personal growth, meditation, and introspection have equipped me to see these moments for what they are.

Numerous earlier warning signs could have steered me away from this spiral, but fatigue and being triggered made it difficult to resist the pull of negative memories that had long been etched in my mind.

The crucial takeaway is that when I find myself in freefall, hitting rock bottom is often the first step toward recovery. Attempting to halt the momentum of spiraling thoughts and feelings can be as futile as stopping an avalanche; instead, it's better to observe the process with curiosity.

Fortunately, my friend understood I wasn't seeking solutions; I simply needed someone to listen. If I hadn't had that support, I would have turned to journaling or drawing to process my emotions. I also find solace in nature, which reminds me that life continues at a steady pace, even amidst my internal chaos.

It's logical that our minds latch onto familiar thoughts, leading to spirals that can either uplift or drag us down. Had I approached my conversation with my daughter as a successful coaching session on self-trust, I could have fostered a more positive spiral. Yet, in my exhausted state, I spiraled downward instead.

Such is life, and I observed this experience with curiosity. Do I genuinely believe I am powerless to effect change? Absolutely not.

After calming down, I later spoke with my daughter’s teacher, who redirected the students toward a more practical approach, demonstrating that common sense can prevail. Regardless, I recognize that schools will make decisions that may or may not align with my views or those of other parents, and that’s their prerogative.

One of the hardest lessons I've learned in my journey toward establishing personal boundaries is accepting that others are entitled to their opinions, even if they differ from mine.

This was highlighted when we recently rewatched a scene from Disney's Frozen 2, where Olaf plays with children amidst a crisis, stating, "We’re calling this controlling what you can when things feel out of control." There have been numerous instances in my life when others attempted to dominate my choices without justification, and my reactions have varied. Now, I possess the skills to navigate these situations differently.

In a previous writing titled "Your Childhood Is Not Your Fault but It Will Be Your Limitation," I delved into how the lessons we unknowingly acquire in our formative years can hinder us, particularly regarding control patterns.

By taking ownership of our challenges and striving to heal them, we disrupt cycles that have persisted for millennia. This journey allows us to become less burdened, more connected, happier, and better equipped to realize our potential. We evolve into the best versions of ourselves, positively impacting our relationships.

However, this process also includes missteps along the way. I am not perfect; I am continually learning and evolving, and that is perfectly acceptable. There are times when I embody the best version of myself, and other times when I do not, but I am always in a state of learning. In the past, a mental spiral like this would have troubled me for days, but now it’s merely a fleeting thought that passes within hours.

What about you? Do you experience unhelpful thought spirals? How do you navigate through them? Are there methods you use to observe your reactions earlier in the process?

If you enjoyed this piece, you might also appreciate "Change Unhealthy Reactions, Empower Yourself," "When a Difficult Reaction Sends You Into a Tailspin," and "Make the Invisible Visible — Celebrate the Gold in Your Emotional Reactions." To receive these posts first, consider subscribing to my blog.

Section 1.1: Recognizing Triggers

Understanding the moments that lead to spirals is vital for managing them effectively.

Subsection 1.1.1: The Role of Reflection

Chapter 2: Embracing the Journey

In this video, "How to Stop a Mental Spiral," viewers can learn practical techniques to manage and redirect spiraling thoughts effectively.

The second video, "Conquering Anxiety: 7 Steps to Stop the Spiral," offers actionable steps to break free from anxiety and regain control over your thoughts.