Chapter 1: Understanding Grief

Supporting someone during their grieving process can be challenging and requires a great deal of empathy and understanding. At some point, you may find yourself needing to provide comfort to a friend or family member who is experiencing profound loss. In fact, many of us have already faced this situation.

Here are some practical suggestions for standing by those who are mourning the loss of a loved one.

It’s important not to shy away from someone who is grieving simply because you’re unsure of what to say or do. Acknowledging their loss can be comforting. A simple statement such as, “I heard about your mother, father, son, or daughter’s passing,” can open the door for meaningful conversations. Using the term "died" shows a willingness to engage with the raw emotions surrounding grief.

Make it a point to mention the names of their deceased loved ones often. Encourage them to share stories and memories. While this may lead to tears, it can also provide a great deal of solace. Rest assured, they are already acutely aware of their loss, so you won't be reminding them of anything they have forgotten.

Instead of asking, “How are you?” which may leave them feeling even more confused, try a gentler approach like, “How are things going?” Alternatively, a simple “Hi, you’ve been in my thoughts” can convey your support without putting pressure on them to respond.

Recognize that you cannot fix their grief or make it disappear. Grief is a natural response to loss, akin to love, which also doesn't require solutions. Just as love exists without needing to be fixed, grief should be allowed to exist without pressure for resolution.

A grieving individual does not need to be uplifted; sometimes, the best way to help is to be a compassionate listener. Just knowing that someone genuinely cares can be incredibly healing.

Gifts like flowers are always a thoughtful gesture. Consider giving orchids, which bloom consistently each year with minimal care. When my son passed away, I received an orchid that continues to bloom annually, bringing me comfort in the belief that it symbolizes his enduring presence.

Rather than asking if they need help, which they may struggle to articulate, consider offering practical assistance, such as a meal delivery service like Uber Eats or DoorDash. This was a lifesaver for me during my son’s passing, especially on nights when cooking felt overwhelming.

Gifts that provide comfort, such as personalized memorial bracelets, candles, soft blankets, journals, massage vouchers, or an assortment of chocolates and teas, are often appreciated.

If the bereaved is a close friend, maintain regular contact. Whether it’s daily, weekly, or even monthly check-ins, your ongoing support can help prevent feelings of isolation as others return to their routines after the initial period of mourning.

It’s crucial to understand that time doesn’t automatically heal all wounds; each person grieves differently. Over time, their pain may lessen as they learn to live alongside their grief.

If you have experienced a similar loss, sharing your story can be helpful, but be cautious. Comparing different types of losses, like that of a pet to a child or spouse, can be insensitive. While I deeply love my dog, losing my son was an incomprehensibly heavier burden. I lost my 18-year-old son, and then my puppy just ten months later, an experience I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

I hope these insights help you provide support to a friend or family member navigating their grief.

Chapter 2: Practical Tips for Offering Support

The video "How to Support Someone Who Is Grieving" provides valuable insights and practical advice on being there for someone in their time of need.

Another useful video, "What to Say to a Grieving Person (And What Not to Say!)", discusses the do's and don'ts of supporting someone who is grieving, offering guidance on how to communicate effectively in sensitive situations.

Thanks for reading.